* The code of conduct for widows.
The code of conduct for widows.
The Sage Narayan said:-
The knotted hair of a widow becomes bondage for her husband. So it is better that a widow should shave her head. 1.
Even if she keeps the hair she should keep them undecorated. She should shave it at the place of a pilgrimage, on an auspicious day. 2.
She should always eat once a day and that, only at night in exception of an emergency. She should avoid the company of those ladies, who are not religious minded. She should not sleep on a bed, except when she is unwell. She should not take a bath without clothes on. She should keep herself away from anger. In addition, she should not take a bath with a gel or oil massage and never use any perfumes. 3 - 5.
Even though any fatal situation may demand, she should never ride a bull. She should never enjoy any intoxicating eatable or a betel leaf. 6.
She should never take nourishing food or eat excessive meals. She should not drink much of ghee or eat meals, only during the exception of some special circumstances. 7.
She should not overeat sweets and also any intoxicating food. Besides, she should not wear costly or magenta coloured clothes; She should not put on - flower garlands, sandal paste, ornaments made of conch, Sindur, collyrium, and ornaments made of costly metals or any cloth woven from costly metal fibres. 8-9
The auspicious decorative material like sandal paste and the rest; may be the material left over of God’s, should be used to put only on the neck by a finger, and not on the forehead or other parts of body. 10.
She should not put on a garland of flowers and such other items even it may be God’s gift. However, she should only smell it with respect and leave it. 11.
She should not wear colourful or fine clothes or any trendy dress or a typical blouse. Furthermore, she should not colour or decorate her hands, feet, teeth and nails and should not put on a kum-kum Tilak, or decorate her forehead. Besides the above, she should not wear a dress of a married woman whose husband is alive, or of a female renunciate or dancer. 12-14.
She should not remove the hair on her forehead neither should she move here and there unnecessarily and should not go alone to visit other peoples’ houses. 15.
She should not sit on the laps of her father and other elderly persons, though they may be old, she should not speak in ridiculing manner, with her in-laws and also any one of father’s side. Additionally, she should not speak any indecent topics with her mother, should not discuss any exotic topics even with other ladies; Should not play the games of Holi festival and speak any bad words, should not argue unnecessarily and speak bad insulting words or abuse anybody by using a foul language. 16 -18.
She should never argue arrogantly with her in-laws and never make friendship with a sinful, cruel lady ; And also, she should not make friendship with an ascetic lady or a messenger between a man and woman and also with a lady born of Shudra or of lower caste. 19-20.
She should never make friendship with a Yavan lady; lusty, heretic woman, one who does not believe in incarnations of the Lord Hari, A shameless one, knower of dubious medicines and magical charm, or mystical chants and diagrams; or a knower of aborting foetus, or a shrewd lady. 21 - 22.
The wife may be a chaste lady, but if her husband is censured by society (accused), then the widow should never go to that house, even casually. 23.
A widow should never go to visit a house of the women from lowest caste though she may be religious. 24.
A widow should not waste her money, which is necessary for her survival, even in charity. If she wastes it she will have to depend on others for survival and thereby; No doubt, she will slip down from her duties. 25-26.
A widow should not go to enjoy or see a marriage ceremony, a group of travellers, public festivals like dance, music, etc. and also a well-dressed man. Though alone, she should never look at her own face in the mirror; should not stare at men enjoying freely in light mood. Moreover, she should not stare, speak or touch a man passionately. She should not even hear the topics of men except in the religious talks. 27-29.
It is not considered a sin if she touches or speaks with a man in such case of an emergency like fear from a tiger, serpent, fire, water; also it is no fault in touching a male infant (a son) while breast feeding, etc. 30.
She should not touch the clothes of a man he has put on, other than those clothes be new, washed and dried or washed and wet. 31.
She should not think about a man passionately by heart, should not draw a sketch of a man or even touch any indecent statue. 32.
She should not look at the sexual union of birds or animals intentionally and should never keep friendship with a man though he may be helpful in getting her work done. 33.
She should not satisfy her natural calls at the place which is used by men. In addition, should never look into the eyes of a man. 34.
A widow who follows religious rules should not give any meaningful signs by hands or sights though, not directly or by speech. She should never look at the private part of a man. 35.
She should always keep herself at some distance from any man. She should protect her body from the touch of a man in a temple during religious celebrations, and while going in a narrow lane. 36.
In a house, where a male member is sleeping on top or on the down-floor, a widow should not sleep there lonely at night. 37.
She should not keep her chest, belly or thighs uncovered; as any male member can easily look at it. She should avoid any provoking smart movements of her legs or hands and itch up her body by indecent movements of her hands and legs. 38. She should not deal secretly with any male or female member, without informing the members of her father’s side or in-laws side and should not give or take anything from them (stranger, male or female person). 38-39.
A young widow should not travel alone with a young man, may he be her relative she should not even sit with him alone. 40.
This taboo on conversation, touch and staring is to be interpreted regarding a strange male person and not the close relative 41.
The near relatives are considered to be - father, brother, paternal uncle, his sons, and their sons; maternal grandfather, maternal uncle, his sons and their sons; husband of mother’s sister and his sons, husband of father’s sister and his sons, teacher and his sons, the bestower of food and his son; cousins, father in law and his brothers, elderly brothers in law and their sons, grandsons from daughter, husband of a daughter, her own sons, and grandsons and others. If, they are religious minded then only their touch, look or conversation is not sinful. 42 - 45.
Surely a widow should never sit alone even with her father in a house, where the doors are closed, or it is a lonely place. 46.
If these near relatives are sinful, or having no faith in the Lord (atheist) then she should never speak with them or touch them. 47.
This pious lady should leave those sinful relatives and take resort to some other unselfish person who is just like her father, brother or son and looks after her and helps her to survive. 48.
That very person is worthy to be considered as father who performs his duties and supports her like father and not that person who drops out from his duties. 49.
A person who sustains (that widow) and also performs the duty is only called a brother, and not who backs out from his duties. 50.
A person who supports the widow like a son and performs his own duties is worthy to be called a son but not the one who does not carry out his duties. 51.
The persons, who are pious and perform their duties properly, though may not have direct blood relations; may be of different caste are definitely considered equal to a father and other relatives. 52.
If a religious widow touches, speaks or looks at such pious minded people, or even if she touches their clothes, it is surely not a sin. 53.
If a religious widow does not have any relative like a father, brother and so forth, she should then take shelter of some pious person. 54.
No chaste lady should live independently. If she has no relatives or even a person of her caste then, she should take shelter of a pious king. 55.
She should behave in a proper way and not be a cause of blemish to her caste. If the intension or behaviour is pure then the caste will be pure too. 56.
Now the topic of a widow, who is dependent upon business – buying and selling or the matter concerned with agriculture, is discussed. 57.
If it is inevitable to speak or touch any male in this regard, she should limit it to that activity(time) only, because it is necessary for her survival. If she does not follow the rules of her family regarding such transactions then she will have to take shelter of some stranger and shall violate the vow of piety. 58-59.
A widow should worship Lord Shri Vishnu with all available material and should also worship Him in mind, considering Him as her supporter (Husband). She should chant the name of her Lord Hari as per her capacity. She should remember Him alone, day and night and when at work. In case of her monthly course, during defilement (sutak) or illnesses; she should worship Lord only in mind and make some other lady worship actually. 60-62.
She should only do the essential household work and should devote most of her time of the day, in the service of Lord, and should not waste her time. 63.
O Brahmin! That pious lady even in emergency should never eat the food from an ascetic, celibate or one who does not follow rules of any of the four stages of life; because it deprives a person of a pious thinking. 64.
Thus ends the thirty-third chapter entitled, ‘narration of prohibition of binding the braid of hair for widows,’ in the fifth Prakaran of Satsangi jivan, the life story of Lord Narayan, also titled as Dharmashastra. (the rules of the code of conduct). 33