Chapter 8 - Marriage, householdership as religious status

Marriage, householdership as religious status. 

Shri Narayan muni said: - 

A Brahmin celibate, not interested in renunciation, and desirous of assuming the status of a householder, should offer gifts (fees) to his preceptor and after taking his permission, take bath according to the (prescribed) rites. 1. 

At the conclusion of the term of his studentship in the Vedas and after ending his vow of celibacy, he should bath as per the instructions of the preceptor, and wear lower (Dhoti) and upper garments (Uparana) and hold a Bamboo stick in his hand. 2. 

Thus, returned from the house of his preceptor and initiated as a householder, he should stay at home wearing two sacred threads, carry a copper vessel containing water, carry an umbrella, put on a white turban, wooden foot-wear, and gold ear-rings. He should cut his nails and shave his hair. He should always wear white apparel. 3 - 4. 

A Brahmin should not even for a day, remain without adhering to one of the stages (Ashram) of life. If he stays so, he is to be sanctified by atonement. 5. 

A Brahmin should marry a bride of his own caste who possesses good qualities, belongs to a different Gotra, and does not hail from Sapinda relationship from her mother’s family. 6. 

In order to avoid adultery by those who possess unrestrained lust, an inter-caste (a-Savarna) marriage by a twice-born was permitted in the past to avoid extra marital relations. But later on, in this Kali age, religious thinkers and sages have prohibited this type of marriage with a fear of degradation of caste and social position. Hence, it should be positively avoided. 7 - 8. 

Caution to be exercised while performing engagement of a man with a woman. 

While giving or accepting a girl in marriage, a wise man should avoid relations with an ill-mannered and immoral family, a family prone to diseases like epilepsy, tuberculosis, white leprosy, and allegedly charged with litigations, and a family with bad conduct. 9. 

A Brahmin should marry a girl, who possesses a good disposition and is fair in her behaviour, thought and speech. She should be younger than him and should not possess masculine qualities. 10. 

A girl (even if) attractive, beautiful in looks, born with good fortune but is possessed of bad conduct and is ill-mannered, she should be regarded as inauspicious. A girl who is unattractive (not beautiful), but well-mannered and virtuous should be regarded as source of all good fortune. 11. 

Eight types of Vivah. 

There are eight types of marriages: namely Brahma, Daiva, Arsha, Prajapatya, Asura, Gandharva, Rakshasa and Paishacha mentioned in the Shastras. The preceding four i.e. (Brahma, Daiva, Arsha, Prajapatya) are recommended for the Brahmins. The succeeding three i.e. Asura, Gandharva, and Rakshasa are recommended for Kshatriyas and Vaishyas, (But) the eighth one i.e. Paishacha is permitted only for lower castes or for those born from intermixture of castes. 12 - 13.

Rules for maintaining sacred fire. 

In order to pacify the deities, a Brahmin at the time of his marriage, should maintain a (sacred) fire (in his house). If through oversight he fails to do that, he should try his level best to keep it at the time of the division of his family property. 14. 

If an unmarried elder brother does not maintain the sacred fire, and if his younger brother is also not married and does not maintain the sacred fire, they are required to expiate their sins. 15 - 16. 

The younger brother is called as Parivetta and the elder one is called as Parivitti. Both of them are supposed to carry out the atonement. 17. 

If the elder brother is an atheist, suffering from a severe disease, or is addicted to money, the marriage of the younger brother, with the consent of the unmarried elder brother, is not objectionable. 18. 

A householder, should everyday make Smarta offerings in the Vivahagni or the fire kept at the time of the distribution of joint family property. He should make Shrauta offerings (Agnihotra) etc. in the Ahavaniya fire. 19. 

If a person does not maintain the sacred fire for the want of enough space or because of poverty, then he should make offering of water, both in the morning and evening. At the day time he should utter ‘I bow down to Surya and Prajapati’ and after the evening ritual, he should utter, ’I bow down to Agni and Prajapati’ and make the water offering. 20 - 21. 

Proper time for Anga-Sanga of a woman by Gihastha. 

A Brahmin should not cross the limits of the sensual enjoyment (even) with his wife and should adhere to the norms laid down by Shri Hari. 22. 

For a householder, the time favourable for conception as approved by the scriptures is sixteen nights from the (actual) day of menstrual discharge of his wife. 23. 

Out of those sixteen, the even nights are recommended for the one aspiring for a son and odd nights are recommended for the one aspiring for a daughter. The last of those sixteen nights are considered the best (for conception). 24. 

O best one! Listen to those nights which are to be avoided by all means. They are: the first four days and nights after the (actual) menstruation day, full moon day, the new moon day, death anniversary day, a day before the death anniversary day, the 10th and the 12th day of any lunar month, period of the transition of the planetary body from one zodiacal sign to another, and a day of religious observance etc. 25 - 26. 

A householder should not approach (his wife) for sexual union on these indicated days. If he does so, he will get a birth of a cat or dog in his next birth. 27. 

A householder should, by all means, protect his wife and always honour her by offering proper food, clothing, ornaments etc. 28.

The bride’s father should take proper care of her before marriage and in her youth, the husband should take care of her as his wife. The sons should look after her in her old age. Hence, a woman does not deserve to be left uncared for at any point of time in her life. 29. 

Women, born in the high class families are ruined by the independence. Hence Prajapati thought of (imposing) this dependence upon them. 30. 

Damage caused to man by immoral sexual relation with author woman 

Alien women should never be approached by a person of any other castes. Union of alien women with a person results in the annihilation of the merits incurred by the performance of the pious and meritorious deeds. 31. 

Morally assaulting the wife of another person is the chief cause of the destruction of one‘s own penance, fame, glory, wealth and life. 32. 

There is no other great sin as the one (incurred), by being in union with wife of another person. 33. 

Those persons who look upon others’ wives with sinful mind are born sick in their subsequent births. 34. 

Those obsessed persons, with sinful minds, who look upon others’ wives with an evil eye are born blind (in their next birth). 35. 

Yam-Yatna is the fruit or result of immoral sexual relation 

All the licentious persons, seducers of women, who harass women, who amuse themselves in a group of women, who instigate womenfolk for sexual enjoyment, who clad (themselves) in women’s apparel, who (pretend to) fight for women, who camouflage (themselves) with womanhood, who instigate others for sensual pleasures to be enjoyed with other persons, who enjoy listening to the love stories of the womenfolk, who enjoy their wealth by entertaining other women, who falsely propitiate women as deities, and (only) outwardly behave as if they obey the rules of regarding womenfolk are (all) thrown into hell for as many number of years as there are pores on the limbs of a woman. 36 - 38 

In the hell, worms, insects etc. devour (partake of) them; else they are cooked and fried in hot oil (by the messengers of Yama). Or (still more) they have to suffer severe pain when they are thrown half-burnt into a river. 39. 

Those wicked persons who enjoy sexual union with animals or other men are born impotent or as eunuchs (in their next birth). 40. 

Even in a critical situation, a householder should not ever touch a woman with whom (he) does not have any blood relation. 41. 

A pious and learned (person) should not even accompany his mother, sister, or daughter in seclusion. He may elsewhere attend to them only when it is imperative. 42. 

O Brahmin! Attachment of human beings towards womenfolk in general, results in bondage. Hence a thoughtful person should stay away from these two and keep the company of devout ascetics who dedicate themselves to Achyuta (Lord Vishnu). 43. 

Thus ends the eighth chapter entitled, ‘Narration of marriage etc. in house-hold duties’, in the fifth Prakaran of Satsangi jivan, the life story of Lord Narayan, also titled as Dharmashastra (the rules of the code of conduct). 8