Shatanand here clarifies that men should not touch women i.e. married women, as touching a widow is prohibited ordinarily. However this code of conduct should really be obeyed to a much wider context to prohibit the touch of any woman or even girl. Similarly a woman should not touch a man.
Smrutis explains, ‘At a place of pilgrimage, at a wedding, in a battle or war, at a time of destruction, during a journey or during a great catastrophe such as a fire, the sin of touching somebody of the opposite sex is relieved.’ Shatanand adds that this Smruti is only for an emergency and should not be read in any other way.
The reason for this prohibition is that such contact leads to confusion of the mind causing a person to act in a manner unpraiseworthy. Narad Muni therefore adds, ‘Those who in a temple of God touch another woman or who even look regularly at women, face destruction.’
The reason for saying both ‘daily’ and ‘festival days’ is to clarify that festival days are not exempt from such rule as many may think. Indeed on such days we must be that much more careful. Shatanand also says that talking to women should also be understood as unacceptable. Yagnavalkya says, ‘The use of speech, hands and feet should be restricted and controlled. Also eating excessively should also be renounced.’
Manu says, ‘Hands and feet should always be controlled. Similarly sight should be restricted. One should never behave in a manner not befitting to oneself. They should control what they say and should not act in a way that causes pain to others.’
These statements here should be understood to refrain from actions of pleasure and personal gratification derived through a woman or otherwise. One should understand festival days as Janmashtmi, Ramanavmi, Patotsav days etc.
It is a fact that mutual attraction exists between man and woman. It is very much abundant and often very difficult to control. Through the sight of women, it is unquestionable that man’s decency and self-control are jeopardised. Indeed he can in such situations act foolishly without thought. The sight of an attractive woman affects even the best of us. What then can be said about the touch of such a woman?
There is a saying that the touch of a woman is like the sting of a scorpion and so this prohibition exists to prevent imminent destruction of oneself, one’s faith and self-control.
Lust is a great tool for destruction that weakens a man. We must learn not to become hypnotised and subdued by lust for a woman, especially in a temple. Lust for a woman destroys our faith in God and Religion and therefore its control is vital. For such reasons this code of conduct is fully practised in temples of Lord Swaminarayan by segregating the sexes by sitting separately during Sabhas.
This Shloka gives the basis for how people should behave when going to temple. However I feel that it is necessary to give a fuller list of things to be observed when going to temple, as it seems clear that many of the younger generation lack such knowledge. Indeed many older people also display a lack of this basic knowledge.
Firstly it is important that before coming to temple and performing Darshan that you answer the call of nature so that there is no need to go during Sabha. This will also prevent the need to pass wind, which so many seem ‘prone’ to do during Sabha! Similarly one should not eat just before coming to temple as they then feel the urge to ‘burp’ as well. Joking aside, these statements are important, as it is a gross insult to the deities if one has to visit the toilet in the middle of Sabha. Such action is very much impure.
Before entering the temple, one should leave all other thoughts at the temple door. We come to temple to please and serve the Lord. We should therefore leave all other thoughts such as work, family etc. at the door and clear the mind so that only the thought of God is in one’s mind. All other emotions of anger etc. should be rejected.
In such frame of mind, we should enter the temple and wash our hands so that we can perform Darshan of God. We should always go and perform Darshan first and foremost and never see to other duties first. Nor should we get caught up talking to others as we pass by them on the way. To acknowledge them by saying ‘Jay Swaminarayan’ is sufficient.
Before entering the Sabha Hall we should remove our shoes without touching them with the hands (ensuring that we have washed them) and enter the temple with the mind focused on God. From that moment on we should observe ‘Moun Vrata’ - the vow of silence. Men should perform Shashtaang Danadavat Pranaam and women should perform Panchaang Pranaam with their eyes and mind focused on the Murtis of God. Darshan should be performed calmly as all to often they are performed hurriedly and at least about seven Dandavats should be performed.
After so doing, one should walk forward calmly to the front and offer the Lord a gift, usually money, fruits, flowers etc. It should be offered with great love and affection. They should then bring their hands together in front of the Lord and praise the Lord Performing Darshan of his lustrous face, his divine body and his beautiful clothes and ornaments and then bow before the Lord respectfully.
Pradikshana (circum-abulation) should then be performed. This should really only be performed though if the Sinhasan is different for males and females. This is because it is disturbing to women if a male is repeatedly going across the Murtis whilst they are there performing Darshan of God. Furthermore if any lustful thoughts enter the mind of a woman doing Darshan then this can be sinful for both the male and female. Pradikshana should be performed before Arti in such situation and with the mind focussed on the Lord. They should thereafter or during Pradikshana pay their respects to the deities Hanumaan and Ganapati. They should then bow before the Holy Scriptures.
It is beyond me how people perform the Darshan ritual. Some do it hurriedly as if they are in some rush. Many people perform as little as two Dandavats. Others don’t even bother to look ahead at the Lord’s Murtis whilst performing Darshan.
After Darshan they should find a place to sit and not head straight for the door! They should sit in a place undisturbing to others and as close as possible to the front of the Sabha, in close proximity to the Murtis. They should not head straight for the back of the Sabha or where there is a backrest. I don’t think God is too impressed when you sit somewhere far away from him. Many sit in a ‘Gang’ as though they have come to see a football match! They are there to focus their mind on God and for such purposes ‘Ekanta’ or being alone is the best, not by sitting and chatting with a group of friends.
We should sit with a ‘Mala’ in hand and inwardly chant ‘Swaminarayan’ slowly with the mind absorbed in the Murtis of God. We should listen attentively to the Shastras being read or the saints performing religious discourse. We should not talk unnecessarily or eat/chew anything whilst sitting in Sabha. When Prashaad is distributed is should be accepted with love and never slandered in anyway or even refused which is what many youngsters seem to do. Prashaad Mahatmya has been already explained.
We should try to stay until the end of the ‘Chesta Pada’ and with affection see the Lord off to sleep. Only after that should one talk with the other Satsangis there. One should refrain from swearing in temples. The use of foul language is highly undesirable in a house of God. We should continue our duty of staying aloof of the opposite sex. It is inevitable that some contact or interaction due to being a common temple for both sexes will exist and so in such situations we much stay firm and in control of our actions and thoughts.
I hope that people will take note of the common pitfalls of people and rectify their faults when attending temples.